I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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