You're my little dorito
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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