Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
