i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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