Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
He kissed a someone with a penis
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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