i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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