why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
