at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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