I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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