she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
