Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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