Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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