Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
