we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
