The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
