If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
