I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
