He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
