I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
