We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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