**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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