There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
