Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I want to stick my p in your. b.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
