I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
