if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
