I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Every concussion has its silver lining
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
