My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
