in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I am naked and annoyed.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
