Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
