I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Randomize
