im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
