just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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