Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
