I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
