he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
