I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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