I am full of burrito and curiosity
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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