And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
