am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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