you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
