Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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