i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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