I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
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