I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
