I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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