please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
