I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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