wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Vodka?
Forever.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Randomize
