I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Randomize
