Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
