addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
