you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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