I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
