I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
