yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
