i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
