i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
