I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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