he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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